tbh I hate myself for even being upset im a grown ass person jfc

writing that out made me feel a little better though

im gonna have a nap, I haven’t been sleeping well for weeks maybe I’ll feel better then i can play mass effect or something

that zombie/native americans post is still going around and i want to scream and cry my heart is beating so fast i feel sick

i didn’t do a good job researching, im sorry, that’s why I said in the post that i did a poor job with actual accuracy, but my goal was to just try and make something for once that didnt have First Nations people looking like they crawled out of a thanksgiving animation special from the 90s

i should have done better, yes, im very sorry, and this doesn’t excuse the end result, but saying i don’t care, that I thought my grade was more important than historical accuracy — this didnt happen in a vacuum.

i made that project at a time in my life when doing any homework at all made me break down in hysterics, picking up a pencil to draw sent me into fits of panic attacks and self loathing, and it was an actual conscious effort to survive to the end of the day

i got the broad strokes down, I knew it wasn’t perfectly sensitive to the diverse and varied cultures of each First Nations tribe, I wanted to make that known so i admitted to it when I posted it — but I was so proud that I even managed to make it that it almost hurt, I remember being so proud of myself for making this despite the flaws i knew were there, because it took me months to do what my peers did in a few days, and I had just barely managed to get this in on time

It’s a good and solid thing to point out. I just want to make it clear that I know that.

But I also just don’t want to feel sick every time i look at my activity feed and see something imperfect i made two or three years ago

(Please don’t reblog this, please don’t talk poorly to anyone who had critique. It’s a legitimate critique to make. I just wanted to get this off my chest on my own blog and hopefully stop feeling so anxious and scared)










So I made a cheeky end-of-term project for my zombies in pop culture class.

Most of the semester has consisted of reading accounts of white dudes visiting the natives of various countries and talking about cannibalism. So I came up with a story (I had video game in mind when I was making it) where the white settlers were trying to escape Europe and the plague that brought the dead to life.

Just before making landfall, everyone on the ships catches the illness and become the flesh eating undead. The native americans are left to find these massive ships that have washed ashore and are full of pale walking corpses

and they’re like WELP IT’S NOT LIKE THE COLD WINTERS AND OCCASIONAL STARVATION AND WRESTLING WITH BEARS EVER KILLED US so they all just set out to hit all the zombie settlers in the brains with tomahawks and shit and just take it with a grain of salt.

I hope I can keep a straight face when I present this in class oh my god.

PS: The native american outfits are all more or less accurate (albeit from different tribes and eras) considering I did this whole project in two days. But for the settlers I was literally just referencing Halloween costumes hahaha.

A+ 10/10 I would play the hell out of this


the puritans are portrayed perfectly, when they first landed on our lands they were so ill prepared for winter and were resorting to digging up Native graves and eating the dead

OMG I DID NOT NO THAT jfc moniyawak 


If you had bothered to do some research this would have been an extremely cool idea.  why the hell are you using “different tribes and eras” to design the Native Americans- why didn’t you just, you know, research the tribes who would have been living in New England at the time the Puritans migrated over?  Because Native American tribes are all generic and interchangeable, right?

Why? Because i am a terrible and flawed human being who decided that getting my homework done on time was something i wanted to aim for, which was something that took every ounce of willpower i had in me at the time, and which greatly cut down on proper research time. Which something like this deserves, to avoid inferring that all Native American tribes are interchangeable. Which they definitely are not.

It’s not an excuse, no, but that was the main reason why I mentioned it in the original post in the first place. I will be the first person to say that these representations are not at all meant to be seen as accurate from the same location and era. Which is why I said it, plain as day, and didn’t try to hide the fact that i didn’t do extensive research.

I apologize that my comment caused you some difficulty, And I know you probably weren’t looking for any critique. Probably came out a little harsher than I had intended. I think the idea is really good, I’m just saying that if you had based their design on a specific tribe, it would’ve been better.

Nah man, I get it, like it’s a legit critique — really it is. And this might sound like an awfully ignorant thing to say, but exact historical accuracy wasn’t my goal at the time. Not to go too far into it, but it feels like a weird miracle that i even managed to make this thing at all. But because of that, i definitely wanted to be transparent about the huge gaping holes in my tiny amount of research. I didn’t want anyone uninformed assuming this is right, or VERY informed people saying “WOW THIS PERSON IS A JERK AND ALSO SO WRONG THESE GARMENTS ARE SO NOT FROM THE SAME TRIBE THEY MUST HAVE THOUGHT THEY WERE BEING SNEAKY”

because nooooo i just wanted to make sure everyone knew where i stood. Which why I replied to you too. Im here in the corner of very tired well meaning people who can still be very very wrong and ignorant despite their best intentions

Thanks for being cool and not like, escalating stuff. Not that I assumed you would as a person, but it’s a fear i have every time this thing gets reblogged haha.


haha if youre bored you could kiss me idk just sayin

im just never posting anything but silly fanart ever again i probably won’t get in trouble with that right

i honestly 10000% understand why people might be cross about that project but i tried to be upfront about it and preemptively said i was not exactly on the money like at all

i just try to not be a shitstain that’s all I try to do

another 11.75 hour day. God I am so fucking tired of cashiers calling in sick. I’m doing these once a week usually.

My manager offered to stay but he stayed late like 3 days in a row last week so i was like “fucking go home I’ll fight you”, and he bought me pad thai for supper

he’s been getting better lately

but jeeeeessuuuus why can’t people show up for their shifts

this flare up isn’t going to let me sleep unless im passing out on my face

another day or two of this and im going to be dissolving into fits of frustrated crying

my chronic pain is never excruciating, but it’s an endurance of enough pain that i cannot be even moderately comfortable or rested for weeks or months at a time

i hate it i hate it, I need to get my taxes done so i can send in my MSP so i can actually see a doctor so i can get medicinal marijuana and manage this stupid inexplicable pain issue

fuck, I should have taken a painkiller earlier

can’t sleep now uuughhh and I have a breakfast meeting in the morning

I hope the fanartless motherfuckers in the Matthew Swift tag are ready for me because the third book in this series is fucking golden